Rubens: I'd beat Schumi out of a tiger cage

Wow that is a nice thought. Almost worth trying...I am not a fan of both of these drivers, never been. Never liked Schumacher from the beginning, his
cheating antics and un-sportiness is a real character flaw. He might have been a great driver, but unlike the rest of the greats he never allowed his team mate the same equipment, meaning he could never be correctly compared. And Rubens? I never liked the fact tat he was Schumi's buttkisser all those years a that he continued t do so for so many years. And his constant whining after races did not endear him to me either.

But coming back to the tiger in a cage scenario
What do you guys think would happen? Does Rubens have it in him? Will he suddenly break into a wild Capoeira dance (if you don't know what this is, look it up in WIKIPEDIA), bamboozle the tiger with lighning-quick movements and then kill him with a succession of quick blows to the head?

I don't think so. I reckon the scenario is likely to be like this: Rubens will start to whine in his typical rubenesque nasal tone, which will really annoy the tiger. Tiger will growl, which would cause Rubens to whine in a high pitch which only dogs (and annoyed tigers) can hear. Rubens will be indeed the first one out of the cage, biting his own ears off just to get out, leaving Schumi inside.

For Schumi, 2 possibilities:

1) Schummel-Schumi (cheating Schumi).
All this time when Rubens was annoying the puss, Schumi was, as he always does, analysing the situation, thinking on his feet. As the tiger turned towards him, he shoots him with a dart gun (which was not allowed but hey who cares), tiger goes to sleep and Schumi then jumps on the tiger pretending to choke him to death (which he does). Then claims to be worlds best tiger killer.

2) Honest Schumi (less of a chance but funnier thought)
Tiger turns around, Schumi starts singing the Italian national hymn in a strong German accent, which the tiger neither understands nor likes. But the tiger stops for a moment to think about it which Schumi uses to jump on tigers back. Tiger tries to shake him off, but Schumi uses his phenomenal seat-of-the-pants sense to hang on. After riding the tigers back for a few minutes (which reminds Schumi of his first Ferrari of 1996) Tiger gets a bit tired, Schumi then lunges forward and bites the tiger to death.

He then skins the tiger in 5 minutes, puts on the still warm skin and runs out after Rubens (finding him is not that hard as Rubens wet himself and left a clear mark). When Schumi finds him after about 1 minute he toys with the terrified Rubens like a cat with a mouse (or a tiger with a Rubens) and finally kills him with one loud growl (it was just too much for poor Rubens). Schumi then thinks about it but then decides that skinning one pussy already is enough for one day.

So, Rubens, I think you and Schumi and tiger in a cage, there is only one outcome...