Ho Ho Ho its a christmas cracker

Topper

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She
spends £15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news-stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the counter guy, "I hope you don't mind my
asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply."

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter
girl the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug
store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to
get some mints and asks the cashier this burning question.

The cashier responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While e waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when
I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman
was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my
hands under your bra.Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY
how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets
the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go
ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel
around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each
breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts
together and rubs them against each other After a couple of
minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands,
and says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how
could you tell?"

The old man says, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left!

Formerly toppervte33h
whose six pack has turned into a keg

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