An earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale

**Topper** · 29-02-2008

An earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale hit Liverpool in the early hours of Wednesday. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fooockinell". The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

Wythenshawe FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Liverpool this years Capital of Culture. One resident Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to
ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or
Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

*** Wythenshawe FM Breaking news***

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
alco-pop 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked,
" Liverpool " said the girl, "wossit gotta do wiv you?"

**PaulR** · 29-02-2008

Oooh you naughty person Topper!

**Analoguesat** · 29-02-2008

Thats a rework of the one that was doing the rounds after the yorkshire floods last summer

***Yeshi*** · 02-03-2008

funny but true...

DSM · 03-03-2008

True for a lot of towns within Britain, not just Liverpool and Manchester.

Did the writer change it to have a go at Liverpool being awarded the Capital of Culture 2008?

**Topper** · 03-03-2008

Originally Posted by DSM

True for a lot of towns within Britain, not just Liverpool and Manchester.

Did the writer change it to have a go at Liverpool being awarded the Capital of Culture 2008?

Perhaps it was a touch of sarcasm based upon the fact that so far into 2008 and nothing appears to have happened within the capital of culture that has been nationally advertised.
However I would point out that as always with anything posted in this section one should never take offence, if we lose the art of humour and laughter we will be a pretty boring species which is why I and many others give their time freely for the enjoyment by others.

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