The Spoon

GUNERDOO

The Spoon

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, "Steve's Place," and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, "Why the spoon?"

"Well, "he explained, "the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

GUNERDOO

EAR INFECTION


They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there and you have to
answer in front of others what's wrong. Sometimes it is embarrassing.
There's nothing worse than a receptionist who insists you tell her what
is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us
have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the
desk.... The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor
for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist
became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting
room and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong
and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've caused some embarrassment in this room
full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your
ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in
private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full
strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice.

"And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't pee out of it," he replied.