A Few Short Ones

Poison

What men do after sex?

• 2% eat
• 3% smoke cigarettes
• 4% take a shower
• 5% go to sleep &
• 86% get up and go back home to their wives.

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Why is your penis better than a credit card?

• Once spent it recharges itself.
• It is accepted worldwide.
• You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

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LITTLE GIRL.......Mommy, I just found out that our neighbour's son has a penis like a peanut!!
MoM.........You mean it's small?
LITTLE GIRL....No it's salty!!!

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A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing.

He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.

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A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.

The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?

MAN: No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS..

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Women top 5 lies.

From The Whitest Down

5. I am a virgin.
4. It is so big.
3. I can't do that to my best friend.
2. I won't gain weight after marriage.
1. I am coming! I am coming!!!

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A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic.

She says: What is that?

He says: We go Home, screw, and then you disappear.

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What is the closest thing to a woman's period?

Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't come, you are FU(KED!!!

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Teacher Asked.........

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied : The legs...because every night I see my mom's legs up high and screaming 'OH GOD! I'M COMING'.


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Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?

Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say, "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR P*SSY".

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Poison

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.

After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.

She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

Well,' said the clerk, I have a very large bullfrog.

They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!'

"Blow jobs!" the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proved but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true ... no more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off.

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.

She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour"? she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone".

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