Labels

**Topper** · 21-05-2005

Incase you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through

stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:

1) On a blanket from Taiwan-

NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION AGAINST A TORNADO

2) On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists-

REMEMBER OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3) On a Taiwanese shampoo-

USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE

4) On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink

AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT

5) On a New Zealand insect spray-

THIS PRODUCT IS NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS

6) In a US guide to setting up a new computer-

TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7) On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids-

LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PROPORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL, FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

8) In some countries, on the bottom of coke bottles-

OPEN AT OTHER END

9) On a Sears hairdryer-

DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING

10) On a bag of Fritos-

YOU COULD BE A WINNER!! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

11) On a bar of Dial soap-

USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP
(And that would be how?)

12) On Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box)

DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late you lose!!)

13) On Marks and Spencer’s bread pudding-

PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? lets experiment!)

15) On a Korean kitchen knife-

KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN
(Damn!!!)

16) On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights-

FOR INDOORS AND OUTDOORS USE ONLY.
(As apposed to what? use in outer space?!)

17) On a Japanese food processor-

NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
(Now I’m curious!!)

18) On Sainsburys peanuts-

WARNING-CONTAINS NUTS.
(Really? peanuts contain nuts?)

19) On an American airlines packet of nuts-

INSTRUCTIONS-OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I’m glad they cleared that up.)

20) On a Swedish chainsaw-

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer-call led to this warning?!)

21) On a child’s superman costume-

WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
(That’s right! destroy a universal childhood fantasy!!)

22) On some frozen dinners-

SURVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

23) On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box-

FITS ONE HEAD

24) On the packaging for a Rowenta iron-

DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

25) On Boots "children’s" cough medicine-

DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY WITHIN 2 HOURS OF TAKEN THIS MEDICINE.

26) On nightly sleep aid-

WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS
(Duh!!)

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