25 Things You Must Have Learned.

**arsen** · 21-05-2006

25 THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BY NOW

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life should be taken seriously.

8. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there's an equal and opposite government programme.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist switch places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There's always one more imbecile that you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake as you make it again.

22. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than your refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks rationally provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your ass look big.