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<blockquote data-quote="Topper" data-source="post: 808217" data-attributes="member: 186250"><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots, the same as I assume most airlines, fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.</span></span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: maroon"><strong>By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.</strong></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Something loose in cockpit.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Something tightened in cockpit.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Dead bugs on windshield.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Live bugs on backorder.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Evidence removed.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: DME volume unbelievably loud.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: DME volume set to more believable level.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: That's what they're there for.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: IFF inoperative.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Suspected crack in windshield.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Suspect you're right.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Number 3 engine missing.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Aircraft handles funny.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Target radar hums.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Mouse in cockpit.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Cat installed.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">S: Took hammer away from midget.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Topper, post: 808217, member: 186250"] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman]After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots, the same as I assume most airlines, fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4][COLOR=maroon][B]By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=4] [/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4] P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [SIZE=4] [/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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