Australia - Before you go ask....

gameboy

gameboy

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#1
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers
are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have
a raw sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face South and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia?
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of a bear and lives in trees.
A: It's called a Gum Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
 
W

wolfav

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#2
nice little collection of dumb ass questions and smart ass answers there:-doh!
they say in there heat you should drink at least a pint of water every hour and you'll sweat most of that out ! so i'm just wondering how much water you'll need for the 3000 mile train track walk how often you need to spray yourself in urine on the way and what the f*ck your supposed to spray on your self when you arrive at your destination with the wreched urinal smell!
then again the ausies dont give a four xxxx:-rofl2
 
T_G

T_G

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#3
We should really have a "Stupid Questions" section here where people can ask all those type of questions and get smart ass answers from the mods team. What you say? :D
 
PaulR

PaulR

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#4
T_G said:
We should really have a "Stupid Questions" section here where people can ask all those type of questions and get smart ass answers from the mods team. What you say? :D
It's called "Forum Access or Membership Problems" :)
 
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