Exam time

Zorba

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#1
The following questions and answers were collected from last year’s GCSE exam results in Swindon, Wiltshire. They are genuine responses (from 16 year olds)!

Geography

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight

Sociology

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. s_x can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reached puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow (he got an A).

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (eg abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English

Q: Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hand that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head.
 

rolfw

Believe it when I see it Admin.
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#2
LOL, brilliant. :-rofl2
 

Topper

Amo Amas Amant Admin
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#3
Excellent, it's nice to see a new lot oc questions and answers :)
 

dig deep

Prince of Birthdays
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#4
This is a good site, U get well educated while U browse here :)

Benine A good finding:-rofl2
 

wolfav

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#5
love the idea of keeping the milk in the cow

just need a cow now to sit next to the fridge:-rofl2
 

brewby

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#6
Just goes to show that education in the UK is definately among the best in the world!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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