Keeping busy in retirement

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Amo Amas Amant Admin
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Blackburn, Lancashire
Yesterday I was at the Pound Shop buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my elderly neighbour's dog Hemi, and was in the check- out queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do and it was for my neighbour, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is, to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's bum and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
The Pound Shop won't let me shop there anymore.
So you had better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
 
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