Now the season to be jolly is looming, I thought it appropriate to share one of life's little secrets with you:
Christmas Fruitcake Recipe:
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 pack of butter
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts (to taste)
1 gallon whiskey
Method:
Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl. Chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsiticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add 1 table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the bloody hell likes fruitcake anyway? Sleep tight!
If, for any reason you are unsatisfied with the results, please allow at least a week before attempting to repeat this recipe. Warn your GP, or call an ambulance beforehand if at all possible. Whatever happens, it's your own fault! Litigation would be unsuccessful! If you feel the need for happiness after more than two failed attempts, you could always re-cycle the empties. That should make you feel good about yourself. Or, perhaps not. Sweet dreams!:-cake
Christmas Fruitcake Recipe:
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 pack of butter
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts (to taste)
1 gallon whiskey
Method:
Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl. Chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsiticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add 1 table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the bloody hell likes fruitcake anyway? Sleep tight!
If, for any reason you are unsatisfied with the results, please allow at least a week before attempting to repeat this recipe. Warn your GP, or call an ambulance beforehand if at all possible. Whatever happens, it's your own fault! Litigation would be unsuccessful! If you feel the need for happiness after more than two failed attempts, you could always re-cycle the empties. That should make you feel good about yourself. Or, perhaps not. Sweet dreams!:-cake