Solutions to "Problems"???

jeallen01

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After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.

Finally found something my wife's bum doesn't look big in. The distance....

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

The wife's been hinting she want's something black and lacy for her birthday. So I've got her a pair of football boots

Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages. Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup.

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

The local football team I play for is sponsored by Wonga. At the last team talk they told us to go out there and give it 1479%

Anyone got a owners manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

My girlfriend burst in the bedroom yesterday, so I'm taking her back to Anne Summers to get my money back

My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me

Does anyone know how long you cook these "boil in the bag fish" that you win at the fun fair?

My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's s_x drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.

My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex. But my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.

I hired a hitman to kill the wife. He said, I'll shoot her just below the left nipple. I replied, I want her dead, Not kneecapped

Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her make up.

My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have but I was too busy swimming to the surface.
 

Lazarus

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Love the kneecap one :-lmao
 
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