The six affairs



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The First Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day,
their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where
they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild s_x,
they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm .
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes
outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she
nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
" Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my
secretary and we've been having s_x all afternoon. I fell asleep and
I didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying prat! You've been playing golf!".

The Second Affair

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the
son they always wanted.. After months of trying, the wife finally got
pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months
The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He
took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever
He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be
the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling
around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!

The Third Affair

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.
As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated,
made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you off
to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.
It has to be saved for posterity."
With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's scaling.
He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.
The first person he showed it to was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said,
and opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

The Fourth Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with
talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just
pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one
for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went
to sleep.
Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the
kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of
"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of

The Fifth Affair

A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and
asks for a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One Cent?", exclaimed the man.
So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice
juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money."
" How much money?" inquires the man. "4 cents," the bartender
"Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."

The Sixth Affair

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight
vigil by his side.
She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.
Her praying roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"Becky my darling," he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent.
"Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky,
"everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"

"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "let the poison work."


Salty Tech Monster Bod
My Satellite Setup
Protek 9750 HD IP, Spiderbox 9000HD. Cryptik Digital H-H Mount with1.2m Oval Dish and a box in the garage consisting of 2 obsolete STBs, various Cards and a couple of cams!
My Location
South East England
LOL....Like em kleefarr very suttle :D