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Wavey's Jokes Corner (May contain nuts)
12 things about getting older
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<blockquote data-quote="Topper" data-source="post: 351289" data-attributes="member: 186250"><p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">1.) Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" </span></span></strong></span></span></p> </p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">"98," she replied. "Two years older than me." </span></span></strong></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">"So you're 96," the undertaker commented. </span></span></strong></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?</span></span></strong></span></span><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">2.) Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">3.) The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong>.</strong></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">4.) I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">5.) I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">6.) An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong> "</strong></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">7.) My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><strong></strong></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><strong></strong></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><strong><span style="font-size: 12px">8.) Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.</span></strong></span></span><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">9.) It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">10.) These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">11.) Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 12px">12.) --- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.</span></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="color: #40005f"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><strong></strong></span></span></span></p> </p> <p style="text-align: left"></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Topper, post: 351289, member: 186250"] [CENTER][LEFT][COLOR=blue][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]1.) Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" [/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/LEFT][/CENTER][LEFT][/LEFT] [CENTER][LEFT][COLOR=blue][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]"98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]2.) Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=teal][COLOR=teal][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]3.) The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3][COLOR=#40005f][COLOR=#40005f][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B].[/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]4.) I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]5.) I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=purple][COLOR=purple][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]6.) An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3][COLOR=#40005f][COLOR=#40005f][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] "[/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]7.) My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue][B] [SIZE=3]8.) Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.[/SIZE][/B][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=purple][COLOR=purple][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]9.) It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#40005f][COLOR=#40005f][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]10.) These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]11.) Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]12.) --- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.[/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=#40005f][COLOR=#40005f][FONT='Comic Sans MS'][B] [/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/LEFT][/CENTER][LEFT][/LEFT] [/QUOTE]
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Wavey's Jokes Corner (May contain nuts)
12 things about getting older
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