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Wavey's Jokes Corner (May contain nuts)
Mens rules
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<blockquote data-quote="simonskyman" data-source="post: 169390" data-attributes="member: 190429"><p>MEN'S RULES:</p><p>>></p><p>>> (At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the</p><p>>> guys' side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good.)</p><p>>></p><p>>></p><p>>> We always hear about "the rules"</p><p>>> From the female side.</p><p>>> Now here are the rules from the male side.</p><p>>> These are our rules!</p><p>>> Please note these are all numbered "1"</p><p>>> ON PURPOSE!</p><p>>></p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Men ARE not mind readers.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put</p><p>it</p><p>>> down.</p><p>>></p><p>>> We need it up, you need it down.</p><p>>> You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Watching Sunday sports. It's like the full moon</p><p>>> or the changing of the tides - its always going to happen. Let it be.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Shopping is NOT a sport.</p><p>>> And we are never going to think of it that way.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Crying is blackmail.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Ask for what you want.</p><p>>> Let us be clear on this one:</p><p>>> Subtle hints do not work!</p><p>>> Strong hints do not work!</p><p>>> Obvious hints do not work!</p><p>>> Just say it!</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every</p><p>>> question.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's</p><p>>> what we do.</p><p>>> Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months IS a problem. See a doctor.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.</p><p>>> In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect</p><p>us</p><p>>> to act like soap opera guys.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the</p><p>>> ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it</p><p>>> done, but not both. If you already know the best way to do it, then</p><p>just</p><p>>> do it yourself.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during</p><p>>> commercials.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need to ask for directions and</p><p>neither</p><p>>> do we.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. ALL men see in only 12 colors, not more and not less.</p><p>>> Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Same goes for Pumpkin.</p><p>We</p><p>>> have no idea what mauve is, nor do we care to know.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. That is what we do.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like</p><p>>> nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but its just not worth the</p><p>>> hassle.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an</p><p>answer</p><p>>> you don't want to hear.</p><p>>></p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is</p><p>>> fine... Really.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to</p><p>>> discuss such topics as baseball, golf or s_x.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. You have enough clothes.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. You have too many shoes.</p><p>>></p><p>>> 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!</p><p>>></p><p>>> Thank you for reading this.</p><p>>> Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's just like camping....</p><p>({}) </p><p>>></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="simonskyman, post: 169390, member: 190429"] MEN'S RULES: >> >> (At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the >> guys' side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good.) >> >> >> We always hear about "the rules" >> From the female side. >> Now here are the rules from the male side. >> These are our rules! >> Please note these are all numbered "1" >> ON PURPOSE! >> >> >> 1. Men ARE not mind readers. >> >> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it >> down. >> >> We need it up, you need it down. >> You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. >> >> 1. Watching Sunday sports. It's like the full moon >> or the changing of the tides - its always going to happen. Let it be. >> >> 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. >> And we are never going to think of it that way. >> >> 1. Crying is blackmail. >> >> 1. Ask for what you want. >> Let us be clear on this one: >> Subtle hints do not work! >> Strong hints do not work! >> Obvious hints do not work! >> Just say it! >> >> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every >> question. >> >> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's >> what we do. >> Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. >> >> 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months IS a problem. See a doctor. >> >> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. >> In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. >> >> 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us >> to act like soap opera guys. >> >> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. >> >> 1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the >> ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. >> >> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it >> done, but not both. If you already know the best way to do it, then just >> do it yourself. >> >> 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during >> commercials. >> >> 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need to ask for directions and neither >> do we. >> >> 1. ALL men see in only 12 colors, not more and not less. >> Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Same goes for Pumpkin. We >> have no idea what mauve is, nor do we care to know. >> >> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. That is what we do. >> >> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like >> nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but its just not worth the >> hassle. >> >> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer >> you don't want to hear. >> >> >> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is >> fine... Really. >> >> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to >> discuss such topics as baseball, golf or s_x. >> >> 1. You have enough clothes. >> >> 1. You have too many shoes. >> >> 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! >> >> Thank you for reading this. >> Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's just like camping.... ({}) >> [/QUOTE]
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