More quickies

[PaulR]

Someone in our area has been systematically stealing clothes from washing lines in order of size. Police say the thief is still at large.

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Autocorrect and flatpack furniture have yet to make it to this neck of the woods.

Why?

I have no Ikea.

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When women get to a certain age the start to accumulate cats. It’s called the many paws.

 

[Archive4]

At what stage do they get the Octo pussy

 

[PaulR]

Much later.

 

[pgh13]

A department store in Manchester was broken into. Thieves took running shoes, bras and tights. Police are looking for a drag racer.
...well, you started it!

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk

 

[Channel Hopper]

A department store in Manchester was broken into. Thieves took running shoes, bras and tights. Police are looking for a drag racer.
...well, you started it!

Found them

 

[dig deep]

Good finding

Keep them coming !

 

[PaulR]

As you wish...

A manhunt is on after several people reported being stabbed in the backside with a knitting needle. Police believe the suspect is following a pattern.

 

[Terryl]

A horrific air crash was reported this morning that a two seater airplane went down in a cemetery, so far the police have reported that 345 body's have been recovered......

 

[thecaretaker]

Oh go on then..... Did you hear the news....

The perfect crime was committed last night, when thieves broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets. Police say they have absolutely nothing to go on.

 

[PaulR]

A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has, so he asks his border collie to count them. The dog runs into the field and then runs back.

The farmer says “how many?” The dog says “40.”

The farmer is surprised and says “How can there be 40 – I only bought 38!”

The dog says “Yes, but I rounded them up.”

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A duck goes into a pharmacy and asks for a chapstick.

The pharmacist asks “Cash or card?”

The duck replies “Just put it on my bill.”

 

[PaulR]

My watch has stopped working so I’m going to sell it when the time is right.

 

[PaulR]

My watch has stopped working so I’m going to sell it when the time is right.

 

[Archive4]

Is that re-iteration ?

 

[PaulR]

So good I posted it twice.

...posted it twice.

 

[Channel Hopper]

So good I posted it twice.

...posted it twice.

Paul Daniels would say 'watch closely'.

Then again he would often make the sausage disappear.

 

[Vipersan]

A man suffering from extreme concussion walked into a bar ..












Pillock shoulda ducked ..it being an iron bar..

Now that's gotta be the original groaner...

 

[PaulR]

The world’s first ever criminal trial conducted by text message has concluded after the defendant changed his plea to guilty. Defence council say they now expect a short sentence.

 

[TJExcalibur]

There is a new Indian cloakroom attendant at my local club called Mahat Macoat.

 

[sonnetpete]

The world’s first ever criminal trial conducted by text message has concluded after the defendant changed his plea to guilty

If he was using predictive texting did he have to change it because it said he was "quilted"?

 

[Melpen]

There's a Russian guy down our local with 3 balls, called whoja Nicabollockoff.