A few on the road

[dig deep]

Why don't Jehovah Witnesses like Halloween?

They don't like all those strangers coming up on the porch and ringing their doorbells.
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The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise.

"You need to make sure the dog runs around," the doctor said. "Try playing a game of fetch."

I can't play fetch with my dog," the blonde said.

"Why not?" the doctor asked.

"Duh.....," she replied, "....he can't throw."
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According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect.

That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal woman was.
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A Greek and an Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented s_x!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

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I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, I'm winded, and subject to blackouts.
I have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 87 or 92. Have lost all my friends....
But... Thank God, I still have my driver's license.