Airline Humour

Topper

Amo Amas Amant Admin
Staff member
Joined
Nov 18, 2004
Messages
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Age
67
My Satellite Setup
1.2Mtr Polar MTG yes it has been on the arc for 35 years and is now fixed on 13 East using two pairs of rusty molegrips. Unlike me they never groan but always perform.
My Location
Blackburn, Lancashire
After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots, the same as I assume most airlines, fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)


P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.


P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.



 

Lazarus

Tout Rond Bon Oeuf
Staff member
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May 29, 2009
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My Satellite Setup
80cm Motorised.
Several small Dishes.
Much else.
My Location
North York Moors
Nice to see those again.
 
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