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Anyone Into Wright-isms ?

Marts

Regular Member
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My Satellite Setup
90 cm dish + two LNB 13/19 E
90 cm dish + one LNB 30 W
Humax 5400 .. Oh and cable for Mrs Marts (smilie here)
My Location
Gozo - Malta
#1
Such as

Why do they call them apartments when they're stuck together?

Or

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Over to you guys
 
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My Satellite Setup
1.2 Channel Master Jaeger 128 TM5000DAPCI DM7020 + loads of relics.
My Location
Kent
#2
ahhh wrightisms.. I remember...

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be :-doh!
 

Marts

Regular Member
Messages
638
Likes
0
My Satellite Setup
90 cm dish + two LNB 13/19 E
90 cm dish + one LNB 30 W
Humax 5400 .. Oh and cable for Mrs Marts (smilie here)
My Location
Gozo - Malta
#3
loop-guru said:
ahhh wrightisms.. I remember...

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be :-doh!
Hello Loopy ... A little pain never hurt anyone
 

gameboy

Ding Dang Doo
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DreamBox 7000s - Nokia Freeview - Several GameBoys - DS Lite - ZX81 - SNES - N64 - Saturn - Dreamcast - PlayStation - PS2 - Gamecube - PSP - iPod - iPhone - XBox - PS3 - Wii - iPad - No Life!
My Location
Scotland
#4
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and then replaced by exact duplicates." Here are some more of his gems:

1) I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2) Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

3) Half the people you know are below average.

4) 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5) 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6) A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8) If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

9) All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11) I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

12) OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13) How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14) If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16) When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17) Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18) Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19) I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

20) If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22) What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23) My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24) Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26) A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27) Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28) The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30) The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31) The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32) The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33) Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.


"About four years ago .... no, it was yesterday, I was hungry and it was
late at night. so I went down to the mini market I knew was open 24 hours.
When I got there, the guy was closing the store. I ran up to him and said
"asshole, look at your sign -- open 24 hours" and he looked at me and said
"Not in a row."

The other day I came home to my apartment and put the key in the door and
... the whole building started up. So I cruised around and got pulled over
by a cop. Where do you live, he said. Right here. Get off my porch.



1 Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

2 One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3 One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

4 To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

5 Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

6 The older you get, the better you realize you were.

7 I doubt, therefore I might be.

8 Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

9 Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

10 Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

11 Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

12 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13 A fool and his money are soon partying.

14 Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

15 Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

16 Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.

17 If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18 If God dropped acid, would he see people?

19 If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

20 If the No2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still No2?

21 If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

22 If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

23 If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

24 If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

25 Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
 

jimbo

Specialist Contributor
Messages
3,482
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1
My Satellite Setup
Sky HD, TM6800HD, Manhattan Plaza ST550 and TM1500 CI+. 1.0m dish and 36v motor, Panasonic DVD HDD recorder and Panasonic video/DVD recorder. Sony G800 HD TV stand/surround system + Sony KDL40W2000. Infinity USB, Elvis, CAS1, CAS2.
My Location
Greater London
#5
Great list Gameboy, had me laughing because the one-liners are my type of humour.

A couple I've heard but I don't know who said them originally.

Before sliced bread was invented I wonder what things were the best since....

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
 

dig deep

Prince of Birthdays
Staff member
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199
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Dream7020 and AZ Elite and a few DM800
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Sweden
#6
If this was a poll


I´ll give my vote for no 11 That is a cracker