woborny
Specialist Contributor
- My Satellite Setup
- 1.8m Dish, most Sky and Freesat receivers, 80cm on Illusion motor and Dreambox DM7025, TDT, TDT HD, Ariva 100e,
- My Location
- Gandia, 70kms south of Valencia, Spain
SOCIAL SECURITY s_x
Two men were talking. So, how's your s_x life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security s_x."
"Social Security s_x?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
LOUD s_x:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET s_x:
Tired of a listless s_x life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you
have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never
home!"
CONFOUNDED s_x
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
"small," $6,500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he
would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over
with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the
phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and
found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?"
asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY s_x
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she
replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies
My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOR
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted
it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
CHEATER
One night an 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr old
husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment ...
killing him instantly. Brought before the court on charge of murder. The
judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defence. She began
coolly, "Yes, your honour, I figured that at 92, if he could have s_x ...
he could fly."
Two men were talking. So, how's your s_x life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security s_x."
"Social Security s_x?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
LOUD s_x:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET s_x:
Tired of a listless s_x life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you
have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never
home!"
CONFOUNDED s_x
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
"small," $6,500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he
would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over
with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the
phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and
found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?"
asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY s_x
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she
replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies
My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOR
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted
it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
CHEATER
One night an 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr old
husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment ...
killing him instantly. Brought before the court on charge of murder. The
judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defence. She began
coolly, "Yes, your honour, I figured that at 92, if he could have s_x ...
he could fly."