Hurrican Disaster in Essex

waverider

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#1
A major Cat 3 Hurricane (Shazza) hit in the
early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen
wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ...

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars
were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in Basildon apart from the local puch up's at closing time!

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying "What the F*ck was that?" My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning, and must av smoked 60 Lambert an Butlers"

Apparently though, looting, muggings,spraying graffiti and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight and special fried rice with curry sauce to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from
Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after, items most needed include:

* Fila or Burberry baseball caps
* Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
* Shell suits (female)
* White sport socks
* Rockport boots
* Any Garments by Donnay
* Any other items usually sold in Primark.


Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

* Microwave meals
* Tins of baked beans
* Ice cream
* Pork Scratchings
* Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.


22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks and slush puppys for a family of 9
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those
affected.


**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'Where are
you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "Woss that faaacken got to do wiv you?"
 

waverider

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#2
The difference between Essex girls and Surrey girls. Essex girls have fake jewelery and real orgasms..... :D
 

PaulR

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#3
Bet you don't dare show your face in Essex often!

Are we seeing a revival of the Essex joke perhaps?

PaulR
 

Rob

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#4
Nice one Wavy :D
But watch out, the boys are looking for yer ! O-grab
 
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#5
I expect the report is too subtle for those south of my border :rolleyes:
 

waverider

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#6
PaulR said:
Bet you don't dare show your face in Essex often!

Are we seeing a revival of the Essex joke perhaps?

PaulR
Well I do live near Romford Paul....and strange it may seem av a few faaaackin mates in Basildon, Pitsea an Benfleet! :D
 
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