Interesting History

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They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor"


But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low


The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:


Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell . ..... .
Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting Married.


Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the
saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"


Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof...
Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."


There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.


The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.
Hence: a thresh hold.




In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.


Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.


Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.


Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.


England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they
realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.


And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring!!!
 
True or not (and if you say they are, then ....................), they are very interesting.

Oddly enough, we bought a farmhouse in 2000 and its own dirt floors had only been upgraded to concrete about ten years previously.
 
Tivù said:
True or not (and if you say they are, then ....................), they are very interesting.

Oddly enough, we bought a farmhouse in 2000 and its own dirt floors had only been upgraded to concrete about ten years previously.

Never said that, could be someone's flights of fancy or even fantasy for all I know
 
Good stuff ...and leads me to wonder if there is any truth to the origins of this word ...

The pandemic known to history as the Black Death entered England in 1348, and killed between a third and more than half of the nation's inhabitants. Resulting in a proclamation being issued by the King Edward III ..with a view to increasing Englands population again ...which was now sadly depleted
Its said that Edward III had posted on church doors the words 'Fornicate Under Command of the King ' ...
Few could read this and so was passed on by word of mouth ...
eventually..an acronym formed from the words ...which is still in use today ..
;)
regards
VS
 
I have a more mundane explanation for your acronym, VS - and if you are a Fred Wedlock fan, you'd know that Finest Universal Cleanser Known was discarded in favour of Best Universal Grit Grime And Effluent Remover :cool:
 
Tivù said:
I have a more mundane explanation for your acronym, VS - and if you are a Fred Wedlock fan, you'd know that Finest Universal Cleanser Known was discarded in favour of Best Universal Grit Grime And Effluent Remover :cool:

Yep ..I am indeed a Fred Fan ...and have heard that one before ...along with the other product which quickly followed it..
Brought to my attention by JC ...err Jasper Carrot ..i think ..
That being the ..Best Universal Grit and Grime Effluent Remover...

;)

If I remember rightly ...
There was a small advertising ditty to go with it..

If OMO wont whiten it ...
And Daz wont brighten it ..
Then BUGxER it..
 
............... Oh, The Handier Household Help ................
 
Sorry to change the course of this thread Topper ..

Gordons prompting got me thinking about all those monologue writers and performers I grew up listening to ..

A big thanks to James Stannage for getting me hooked..

anyhoo ..
Here's one I loved from wayyy back ..

Thanks Mike
---------------------------

NAPOLEON'S RETREAT FROM WIGAN

-----------------------------------
It was on the plains of Irlam
In the year of 1815
Napoleon was sat in his long-johns
Suppin Brasso wi' Josephine.

He'd chewed his nails to the very quick
So he chewed 'em down ter the slow
He were chewin very hard, when up the back yard
Came a corporal, his nose all aglow.

'Hey bierd mon Capitane' he cried
'Sacred bleu, mor da lore, parlez vooks'
And Boney spat out a big lump of nail
And said, 'Bugger me whats to do?'

'Ze lads ave just cum back from ze wigan' said corporal
'Nous played um at ze billiards last night
'But ze Wigan lads cheated and give us wobbly cues
'And sewed all ze pockets up tight.

'And they put lard ont' chalk and glue on nous balls
And stuffed up our wellies wi barbed wire
'Then they bunged up our muskets wi parkin,
'So we couldn't get the buggers to fire.

'Then we had to walk 'ome after t'punch up
'Cos tram guard looked at us right black
'He said 'BOG OFF FROGGIES'
So we had t'leg it all way back.'

'Ecky le Pecky' said Boney
'I'll show em what teams the best'
And he had a quick chew of his fingernails
And shoved his hand up his vest.

He said dish out some spud guns and catapults too
And give t'lads peashooters all round
We'll burn down the pie 'n' pea shops
And raze chippies down to t'ground.

'Us'll run through Wiggin like a dose of Andrews
'We'll make um all tremble and quake
'We'll loot and we'll pillage, and we'll pinch things as well
'And we'll smash all the Eccles Cakes.'

Well he borrowed the Irlam muck cart
And some spuds to roast on t'way
And with all of his lads on t'wagon
He pointed the horse wiggin way

But the weather turned rotten to spite him
It snowed, rained and hailed and all t' rest
So Boney started sulking and chewing his nails
And sticking his hand up his vest

Soon the horse wouldn't go no further
It was weary and smelly and old
And it asked for a blanket and time and a half
And boots for working in t' cold

So they trapes through the snow for a fortneet
Dischuffed to the knickers they were
They'd icicles hanging from their nom de plumes
And frost all over their hair.

Well they trudged through the slush round the slagheaps
And up by t'canal and by t'pier
Till they came to big doormat in t' snow that said BOG OFF!!
And Boney said, 'Ey up lads were 'ere.'

But the gates of Wiggin was bolted tight
Said Boney, 'Phoo what a pest!'
And he had another chew on his fingernails
And stuck his hand up his vest

There he stood at the front gates of Wiggin
Frozen tears coming in lumps down his chin
And he kicked on t' front door wi is wellies in temper
And said 'Come on cheeky buggers, let us in!'

But there on the front door of Wiggin
A notice he read with a groan
It said 'We heard as how you were comin
So we buggered off, there's no one at home.'

Well Boney he was right blazin'
But Wiggin were blazin also
Cos they'd left t'chip pan on t'gas ring
And Wiggin were all aglow.

So they all got round and warmed up a bit
And as the flames grew higher
He took out a food parcel he got off his gran
And toasted his crackers on t'fire.

Now Wiggin burned down to ashes
And it got cold so they had to retreat
And they'd eaten their boots and socks on t' way
So they had to walk home in bare feet.

Retreating were worst part of t'business
'Cos' lads were starting to see red
And they hissed and booed when he walked up in front
And chucked snowballs at the back of his head.

Now Boney were right pigged off wi all this
So that night he worked out a plan
He pawned all the lads muskets as they lay there in t' kip
And he came home on t' number 11 tram.

It was dark when he got back to their street
And stars where twinecklin above
And Boney's passions rose and bursted all his buttons
As he thought of Joseffluent, his love.

He stomped the snow off his boots,
Opened the door and stuck his rifle in 't plant pot in t' hall
He said 'I'm home sweetie pie, light of mi life'
Josephine shouted- *##**# (rude things).

'Don't think you can go out bloody conquering' she said
'Stopping out all night wit' bloody lads,
'You're the worst bloody stop-out in Irlam you.'
Boney said, 'There's no answer to that!'

'You've not finished papering the lobby yet
This house is a right bloody mess,
'And you just sit there chewin at your nails
'And sticking your hand up your vest.

Well she ran down stairs and smashed im in t' gob
And when he tried get into bed
She got right nasty and picked up the po
And emptied it over his head.

So you see what they say in the hysterical books
Isn't always quite right
It was Boney who got deaf and dumb breakfast
And Josephluent who said 'Not tonight!'

For she made him sleep downstairs on the hearthrug
Tossin and turning without rest
Kicking the cat and chewing his nails
And sticking his hand up his vest
 
I just noticed Pete was aboard ..
We're in luck ..
We have an interpreter for the French dialogue..
;)
 
...and just to balance things up ..

Here's one by Les Barker..
--------------------
Battle of Hastings (aka KING HAROLD WAS A VENTRILOQUIST)

--------------------
King Harold was a ventriloquist,
Not many people know
He used to work with animals,
He put on quite a show.
People came in thousands
To see his tour de force
To see the great King Harold...
On his hawk with his hand up his horse.

He could talk while drinking water,
He could talk while smoking a cig
But he had to keep his day job,
'Cos he didn't get many gigs.
He went to fight the Danes,
At Stamford Bridge near York
But he kept his hand in on the way...
On his horse with his hand up his hawk.

Well, they beat the Danes quite easy,
They gracefully gave in
But they wouldn't shake his hand,
'Cos they knew where it had been.
And Harold was impressive
At the head of his victorious force
"Hello, I'm Mr Ed." he said...
On his hawk with his hand up his horse.

He got a gig in Yorkshire
At a club in Battley
But he found 'The Miners Welfare'
Didn't want a royal Sooty.
They didn't like ventriloquists
And said so with brute force
And ejected poor old Harold...
On his hawk with his head up his horse.

He gratefully went south again
For he'd heard that Norman had landed
"Let's make haste for Hastings!" he cried,
Working his horse left handed.
His army marched past him in splendour
And the leader saluted the lads
And in doing so suffered concussion...
From the horse on his hand on his head.

Soon they got to Hastings
And the two armies got to grips
Harold was winning 3-1 at half time
And all without moving his lips.
"Who's in charge over there?" asked William,
"It's not Harold I've not seen him talk."
And he glared at the king of the English...
On his horse with his hand up his hawk.

"I'm being beaten by a parrot...
Somebody shoot the bird!"
And amid the tumult of battle,
Only one of his archers heard.
It was Cosmo, the fairly accurate archer,
He heard his master shout
He aimed an arrow at the hawk...
He was only a foot or so out!

It was one in the eye for Harold,
He immediately fell down dead
For though Cosmo had aimed at the parrot,
He'd hit Long John Silver instead.
William the Conqueror was furious,
Cosmo's life was imperilled
He'd made a spectacle of himself...
And a monocle of Harold.

And though William conquered the country,
It's of Harold people talk
Ventriloquist, King of England,
On his horse with his hand up his hawk.
It was a sight to frighten the foreign,
An English fighting force
With Harold at the head of his army...
On his hawk... with his hand... up his horse.
 
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