Letters to the editor..

kleefarr

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Letters to the editor…

Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris
patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on Abu Hamsa?
Les Barnsley, Barnsley

'One pound a week will supply water for an entire village in
Tanzania', says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge me twenty
pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? The fleecing b * stards.
Tracey Cusick, Cumbria

How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his
multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used
it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once
again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor.
Reg Ashcroft, Bradford

So HMV consider Andy Williams and Dean Martin to be "easy listening"
do they?
Try telling that to my mate Andy. He's been deaf for 20 years. Tim

They say "you can't judge a book by its cover". What nonsense. The
last edition of High School Anal that I bought featured a young lady
stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and this
turned out to be an excellent indication of the contents.
Mark Roberts

According to Nietzsche, 'That which does not kill me makes me
stronger'. I'm sure my grandad would not agree. He suffered a series
of massive strokes in the early '90s which have left him an
incontinent vegetable for the past 12 years.
A Thorne, Sandbach

It's uncanny how some of these old sayings are true.
'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', said my wife
as she waved goodbye to me on the way to
spend a month with her mother. Since then I have grown quite fond of
my next door neighbour. I actually gave her one on the living room
carpet this morning.
Christopher Hampshire, Bristol

The recent suicide of Harold Shipman has thrown up some interesting
questions. For a start, does Shipman killing himself take his official tally up
to 216, or does it count as an own goal? Where does this final score
place our national champ in the world league table?
Magnus, Sheffield

I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that
Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten
years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be
punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that
most law abiding citizens can only dream of.
Mrs Close, Headingley

The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in
Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it
just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't
told the poor sods?
John Campbell, e-mail

Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey.
What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering
on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once.
Genius.
Mike Woods, e-mail

With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces
soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers
include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the
tw *at quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them.
Shuggie, Email

It's all very well Meg Ryan getting her kit off for her new film,
but why wasn't she doing it twenty years ago before her puppies hit
the pan?
Alan Pick, Kingston-upon-Toast

I would like to thank Darren of Chelsea for not coming to Australia
with Jenny. She is a great sh * g. Thanks again.
Baz, Bondi

Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection
with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo
Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account
their splendid sense of humour.
Chris Scaife, Jesmond

Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's
Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits
climbing into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they
should get some faster cars.
T Barnham, London
 

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