- My Satellite Setup
- Has gone to a good home elsewhere
- My Location
- Blackburn, Lancashire
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
So I did; she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
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Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night.
Locals were shouting "paedophile" and other names at me,
Just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
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The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and
low-cut tops, although they do make me look a bit mature content.
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My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.
I said: "Son, that's 3 schools this year!
You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
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Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in.
Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick.
It's great though; it provides me with everything I need:
Kit-Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato chips, the lot."
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Poll results: Are there too many immigrants in the UK?
17% said yes;
11% said no;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please.".
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A man calls 999 and says: "I think my wife is dead."
The operator says: "How do you know?"
He says: "The s_x is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
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My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well, technically she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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A wife says to her husband: "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back."
He says: "What do you expect? You're in a F*cking wheelchair!"
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I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated, but must comeback as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said: "You obviously haven't been listening."
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My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to be prepared for the worst.
So, I went down to Oxfam to get all of her clothes back.
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I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPad.
They realized that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.
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There's a new Muslim clothing shop that's just opened in our shopping centre.
They threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of their bomber jackets.
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The Red Cross just knocked on our door and asked if we could contribute
towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said: "We'd love to help but our garden hose will only reach to the gate."
So I did; she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night.
Locals were shouting "paedophile" and other names at me,
Just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and
low-cut tops, although they do make me look a bit mature content.
-----------------------------------------------------------
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.
I said: "Son, that's 3 schools this year!
You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in.
Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick.
It's great though; it provides me with everything I need:
Kit-Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato chips, the lot."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Poll results: Are there too many immigrants in the UK?
17% said yes;
11% said no;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please.".
-------------------------------------------------------------
A man calls 999 and says: "I think my wife is dead."
The operator says: "How do you know?"
He says: "The s_x is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well, technically she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A wife says to her husband: "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back."
He says: "What do you expect? You're in a F*cking wheelchair!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated, but must comeback as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said: "You obviously haven't been listening."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to be prepared for the worst.
So, I went down to Oxfam to get all of her clothes back.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPad.
They realized that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.
----------------------------------------------------------------
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that's just opened in our shopping centre.
They threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of their bomber jackets.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Red Cross just knocked on our door and asked if we could contribute
towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said: "We'd love to help but our garden hose will only reach to the gate."
