Pretty Smart

Topper

Topper

Amo Amas Amant Admin
Staff member
Messages
21,839
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My Satellite Setup
IDD CI24 ECONO MM Penta 1.20 Galaxy II
1.2Mtr Polar MTG yes it has been on the arc for 25 years and is now fixed on 13 East using two pairs of rusty molegrips. Unlike me they never groan but always perform.
My Location
Blackburn, Lancashire
#1
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,

"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I confused her when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,

"WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,

"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having s_x tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

 
sophia

sophia

Retired Mod
Messages
1,665
Likes
1
My Satellite Setup
hispasat, head500
My Location
Grande Lisboa
#2
:-rofl2 :-rofl2 :-rofl2

I think he's not having s_x for at least two weeks !!!
She should have used the plain excuse of a terrible headache for not wanting to have s_x.

Thanks Topper for your jokes. I enjoy them very much. :-righton
 
rolfw

rolfw

Believe it when I see it Admin.
Staff member
Messages
37,721
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1,290
My Satellite Setup
Technomate 5402 HD M2 Ci, DM7000s, Transparent 80cm Dish, Moteck SG2100 DiseqC motor, lots of legacy gear. Meters: Satlook Digital NIT, Promax HD Ranger+ spectrum analyser.
My Location
Berkshire
#3
LOL, that's a cracker . :-lmao
 
member91040

member91040

Regular Member
Messages
1,482
Likes
0
My Satellite Setup
DISH TV,DIRECT DD+,
TATA SKY,HATHWAY,
NOKIA 9660S,
PCI SAT CARD TWINHAN NSS6, PAS7/10, ASIASAT3S, INSAT,INETEL SAT, EUROSTAR, DremBox, & Multi LNB'S
My Location
INDIA
#4
Why dont u try her to a toy shop.
 
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