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Quotes

dig deep

Prince of Birthdays
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#1
Some good some ......:)


"Here is a very odd story. A woman in Tennessee is now suing a local pharmacy after buying what she thought were birth control patches. They turned out to be nicotine patches. The good news, her new baby is now down to a half a pack a day."
~ Jay Leno


"Over the weekend, Bill and Hillary Clinton were spotted hiking in a national park near Washington. Yeah, after a 10-mile hike, Bill said 'I just can't seem to shake her'"
~ Dave Letterman


"A new survey says that New Jersey is the most livable state in the U.S. The survey has a margin of error of 100 percent."
~ Conan O'Brien


"Every government is run by liars and nothing they say should be believed."
~ I.F. Stone

Proof for the above statement can be found in the quote below...


"Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union."
~ Joseph Stalin

"We've had huge rain storms all the way from Minnesota to New York. Or as Al Gore calls it, global leaking."
~ Jay Leno


"Here's something new in law enforcement. In L.A. they are using unmanned drones flying over the city to fight crime.
This should take some pressure off Superman."
~ Dave Letterman



"Here's some interesting news – a woman in Milwaukee gave birth to a 13 pound 12 ounce baby girl last week. Thirteen pounds, 12
ounces!
Doctors say the baby will be walking before the mother."

~ Jay Leno


"Recent studies have found that a diet high in soy beans and soy sauce can result in infertility in men.....which goes to explain China's low population."

~ Conan O'Brien


"I took a course in speed reading and was able to read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's about Russia."

~Woody Allen


It's now been 48 hours that Paris Hilton has been in jail — which sets a new L.A. record for the longest time a celebrity has ever spent in prison."
~ Jay Leno


"Earlier today, Scooter Libby was sentenced to 30 months in prison. Afterwards, Scooter said, 'I just hope I have the chance to clear my incredibly stupid name.'"
~ Conan O'Brien


"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of
pals out there. Type in - 'Find people who have s_x with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"

~ Richard Jeni


"After Mama gave birth to 12 of us kids, we put her up on a pedestal. It was mostly to keep Daddy away from her."
~ Dolly Parton



"The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."
~ Thomas Jefferson (or as Al Sharpton calls him: Grandpappy)