- Joined
- Nov 18, 2004
- Messages
- 23,992
- Reaction score
- 4,014
- Points
- 113
- Age
- 69
- My Satellite Setup
- Has gone to a good home elsewhere
- My Location
- Blackburn, Lancashire
1. Winston Churchill: "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill
around a cow pasture."
2. Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner,
and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and
the round of golf."
3. Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this game.
Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither
of their husbands work."
4 Unknown . "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was
obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for
his sins."
5. Hank Aaron: "It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits
in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
6. Lee Trevino: "Columbus went around the world in 1492.
That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course."
7. Lee Trevino: "I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but
if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced."
8. Sam Snead: "These greens are so fast I have to hold my
putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow."
9. Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game in which you yell "fore,"
shoot six, and write down five."
10. Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players: "They
throw their clubs backwards and sideways, and that's wrong.
You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't
have to walk any extra distance to get it."
11. Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to
four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two
to forty feet."
12. Jimmy Demaret: "Golf and s_x are about the only things
you can enjoy without being good at." Humping
13. Jack Lemmon: "If you think it's hard to meet new people,
try picking up the wrong golf ball."
14. Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course during a
storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even
God can hit a 1-iron." :-worship
15. Unknown: "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one
black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today
it's called the PGA Tour."
16. John Updike: "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the
child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by
their frequent inability to count past five."
17. "Silk Stockings" TV Show: "The people who gave us golf
and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes
and called it music."
18. Gerald Ford: "I would like to deny all allegations by
Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a
birdie, an elk and a moose."
19. P.G. Wodehouse: "The least thing upsets him on the links.
He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in
the adjoining meadows."
20. Bob Hope: "If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I
get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him."
21. Ken Harrelson: "In baseball you hit your home run over
the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the centre-field
fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right
over second base."
22. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "The first time I played the Masters,
I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off.
I shot the happiest 83 of my life."
23. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "After all these years, it's still
embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like
the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back
ten minutes later with a ham on rye."
24. Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-
volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie
for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards.
His caddie said: "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir."
"A 3- iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt. "What kind of stupid,
#*!~%^* choice is that?" "Those are the only two clubs you
have left in the your bag, sir." said the caddie.
around a cow pasture."
2. Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner,
and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and
the round of golf."
3. Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this game.
Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither
of their husbands work."
4 Unknown . "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was
obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for
his sins."
5. Hank Aaron: "It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits
in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
6. Lee Trevino: "Columbus went around the world in 1492.
That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course."
7. Lee Trevino: "I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but
if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced."
8. Sam Snead: "These greens are so fast I have to hold my
putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow."
9. Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game in which you yell "fore,"
shoot six, and write down five."
10. Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players: "They
throw their clubs backwards and sideways, and that's wrong.
You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't
have to walk any extra distance to get it."
11. Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to
four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two
to forty feet."
12. Jimmy Demaret: "Golf and s_x are about the only things
you can enjoy without being good at." Humping
13. Jack Lemmon: "If you think it's hard to meet new people,
try picking up the wrong golf ball."
14. Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course during a
storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even
God can hit a 1-iron." :-worship
15. Unknown: "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one
black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today
it's called the PGA Tour."
16. John Updike: "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the
child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by
their frequent inability to count past five."
17. "Silk Stockings" TV Show: "The people who gave us golf
and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes
and called it music."
18. Gerald Ford: "I would like to deny all allegations by
Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a
birdie, an elk and a moose."
19. P.G. Wodehouse: "The least thing upsets him on the links.
He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in
the adjoining meadows."
20. Bob Hope: "If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I
get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him."
21. Ken Harrelson: "In baseball you hit your home run over
the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the centre-field
fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right
over second base."
22. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "The first time I played the Masters,
I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off.
I shot the happiest 83 of my life."
23. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "After all these years, it's still
embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like
the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back
ten minutes later with a ham on rye."
24. Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-
volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie
for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards.
His caddie said: "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir."
"A 3- iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt. "What kind of stupid,
#*!~%^* choice is that?" "Those are the only two clubs you
have left in the your bag, sir." said the caddie.