Thursday's Thoughts

jeallen01

jeallen01

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  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow - in fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
  • s_x is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
  • No one is listening until you fart.
  • Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  • If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
  • If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
  • Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
  • Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
  • Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse – then things just keep getting worse.
  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
 
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