Welcome to heaven

[gameboy]

Four travellers, having just been killed in a road crash involving their caravan, arrive at the pearly gates.

"What religion are you?" asks St Peter.

"We have no religion." they reply, "We're travelling folk."

St Peter tells them to wait by the gates while he goes to get a decision from God.

God has a think about it.

"OK!" he says at last, "Let's give them the benefit of the doubt, tell them that they are welcome in my kingdom."

St Peter goes back to give them the good news.

Minutes later, he comes rushing back to God.

"Lord, they've gone!" he cries.

"Who?" asks God, "The travellers?"

"No!" says St Peter, "The pearly gates"

 

[dig deep]

Very good and very new to me

So I give You my story


DR. PHIL WAS CONDUCTING A GROUP THERAPY SESSION WITH FOUR YOUNG MOTHERS AND THEIR SMALL CHILDREN.


"YOU ALL HAVE OBSESSIONS," HE OBSERVED.


TO THE FIRST MOTHER, HE SAID, "YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH EATING. YOU'VE EVEN NAMED YOUR DAUGHTER CANDY."


HE TURNED TO THE SECOND MOM. "YOUR OBSESSION IS WITH MONEY. AGAIN, IT MANIFESTS ITSELF IN YOUR CHILD'S NAME, PENNY."


HE TURNS TO THE THIRD MOM. "YOUR OBSESSION IS ALCOHOL. THIS, TOO, MANIFESTS ITSELF IN YOUR CHILD'S NAME, BRANDY."


AT THIS POINT, THE FOURTH MOTHER GETS UP TAKES HER LITTLE BOY BY THE HAND AND WHISPERS, "COME ON DICK, WE'RE LEAVING!"